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Notes on the Margin

The Male Version of Carrie Bradshaw

The Male Version of Carrie Bradshaw

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As penance for not writing anything recently, I bring you more from The Tactical Field Guide to Romance:

Dear Uncle *****,

I am currently engaged in an operation to outflank a recently disbanded enemy formation and in need of advice. Currently my plan of attack is a series of probing attacks designed to lull the defender into thinking my advances are nothing more than friendly attempts at banter. I have intelligently engaged another female to "talk me up" to the aforementioned party. Thus by lulling the enemy with a false sense of safety and by gaining some measure of trust via another trusted party I plan on creating a flank attack that bypasses her defenses on the personal front.

Due to the engagement of a neutral third party to lower the defensivness of the other side I am afraid that they will get to the "can't we just be friends" stage, something I fervently hope to avoid.

Yours in trust,
Playing the End Around

Dear PtEA--

An enemy force that is seemingly defenseless is still an enemy force. In such a case, maneuver your force to an overwatch location on defensible terrain, establish communications to your rear area and to friendly units on your right and left, and then order the men to begin digging deliberate fortifiactions. Once you are in a secure and defensible position, send forward aggressive recon patrols, to find weaknesses in the enemy's wire. Careful and deliberate probing can then begin.

Preplot artillery to cut the enemy's lines of communication, to shut them off from support from other enemy units. Once you decide to launch your assault, conduct supporting fire to isolate and confuse the enemy, launching a diversionary attack along the expected route of attack. Once the enemy is focused on the diversion, launch your main effort through the previously identified gaps in the wire, moving quickly to your objective.

Once on the objective, do not allow the enemy to rally their forces, instead keeping up constant pressure to prevent reorganization.

Don't forget to rearm, resupply and reequip friendly forces on the objective, and expect counterattacks from the isolated enemy forces.

Oh, and dude, if she gives you the 'i just want to be friends' spiel, tell her what old Uncle ***** once told a gal when faced with that statement: "I have enough friends. I just wanted to f**k you." You'll feel better with one less friend. Promise.

Uncle *****.
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